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Photo: Dixie Heartless |
Number: 32nd flavor
Bashkin Robbins was born on a cold winter’s night in 1983. Her parents were Icelandic refugees living in northern Canada, forced into exile after conspiring to murder Cherry Garcia of the Scandinavian League of Friends. After 31 hours of labor, Bashkin’s mother gave birth to a pint sized, Chunky Monkey with the cutest Cinnamon Buns in the northern hemisphere.
As a young girl, Bashkin frequently found herself in harms way. Once, while vacationing in Ireland, she was almost killed by a Dublin Mudslide. She narrowly escaped the Black and Tan debris as it moved down the hillside like molten Brownie Batter. Bashkin thanked God she had not been turned into Phish Food, and dedicated her life to becoming one of the greatest roller derby players in the world.
Fossil Fueled by an insatiable thirst for violence, Bashkin traveled to America, where she competed in the New York Super Fudge roller derby challenge, before moving to Ohio and joining the Ohio Roller Girls. Her path was a Rocky Road, complicated by a brief marriage to coffee tycoon, Neopolitan Dynamite. Both were experienced in the art of Karmel Sutra, but despite their satisfyingly sensual relationship, the marriage ended over allegations of drug abuse. On more than one occasion, Bashkin came home to find her Chubby Hubby sitting on the couch, Half Baked with Magic Brownies in his hand.
Cute as a button, and cold as ice, Bashkin skates for herself. Late at night you can hear the wheels spinning as she races around the track, eager to share her pain with anyone who wants a taste. Grab a spoon and dig in girls….xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo